Get the real attention with self-efficacy belief and sex appeal

(I wrote this to help all you people out there to find your beauty inside)

The first thing you must do, is to start working with your inner self. Many people believe that it's all about confidence, but there is something that goes deeper. And that's what Albert Bandura calls self-efficacy belief. This means that what you experience as your ability to handle a situation, also becomes the reality in this specific situation.

There is a tension in the perception of what we think of ourselves.

If I believe that I’m not good enough, good looking, slim, successful or interesting, then I assume that the person I meet will think that about me. But what I think about myself is what I exude, and that’s why also overweighted and not very good looking people can have a charismatic personality. And what they exude isn’t self-confidence, but a belief in self-efficacy and on their own sex appeal.

So to make yourself interesting for a person you want to attract, it’s important that you feel comfortable amongst other people. Feeling comfortable also means having realized your limitations. I therefore have something to come up with, despite the success variables that indicates that I’m a failure. Which means that I can question from where ”the fact” that I’m a failure comes from.

So what to do then?

Practice in your thoughts, feelings and your actions! You need to believe in your ability to believe in your eyes' ability to see into other people's souls. You need to believe that your heartbeats brings you forward in life and that you can synchronize them with nother person's heartbeat. Your ability to touch another person with your hands and the words that come out through your mouth, means that what you say and how you say something when you touch another person, makes this person to feel safe and uplifted in your presence. A person who feels safe is ready for an adventure with you.

Do not let others drag you down to their level!

This means that for you to change the perception of yourself, you may need to stop hanging out with a certain type of people. In some communities, and private parties, it may sometimes have been a consensus to think and behave in a certain way. By questioning the group's standards you threaten the group's consensus. It may be time to think about whether you really should belong to the group. All people deserve to be with those who wants your well being. It doesn’t mean you should stop being with your friends because they don’t believe in your ability, but you should limit their influence in your life. The jargon amongst both men and women in many groups is devastating for you, to be able to create a healthy relationship to your view of your ability to change in a positive direction. And a human being who changed too much and too different in relation to the group's direction is always a threat.

The balance between being alone (all alone) and being around other people give you the opportunity to reflect! Once you've found that you alone have the insight, you can try them out among friends, superficial acquaintances, strangers, and especially when you go on a date. You will notice that your experiences with other people alternate with the insights you received on your own. You will build strength, i.e. charisma, self-efficacy belief and true sex appeal.

But exercise and healthy food, then?

Since all of this affects your situation, you can find out how many people really are struggling to survive and still manage to attract a partner. Food is a chapter that other writes about in a better way. A good tip is to try a diet that actually works by trial and error. When it comes to training, the chance to find a gym or a form of exercise, increases if you are looking for it, in which others in the same situation are. Then you can encourage each other to make progress, and there is also a natural conversation starter.

And if I'm unemployed?

The same applies if you become unemployed, because then your confidence and self-efficacy are tested. It’s close to a philosophical question. Should I go on dating when I lack a decent income? Many people choose their partner based on social status and here we come back to the real challenge for you.

Two ways forward

1st Wait until your finances have improved, before going on a date, so that you can afford to invite to dinners, giving gifts, etc.

2nd If you hang out with people who are in the same situation, then this strengthens the ties between you, and you have a great opportunity to impress others by your insights of loneliness. Don’t be afraid to change track and think that your date doesn’t really look like your secret agenda or wish list.

Ongoing dialogue

There is a buzzword that says: "The outside gives the inside a chance and the inside the outside its glory." Those who think so, have no idea what real charisma is and I urge you not to listen to this junk. In every person the outside and the inside is an ongoing dialogue. The only question is, which of these two worlds you will let to decide about you and your life. And that determines your true sex appeal.